Thoughts on friendship

We easily throw around the word "friend" in the US, when the word "acquaintance" may be more appropriate. We meet people at work or in social situations, then say "I have a close friend who can help with that." But do we really know them?

We live our lives "networking" with hundreds of people -- getting to know their face and name and what they can do for the ubiquitous "me". We use people, and allow ourselves to be used, if we think it will deepen our trust level with them so we can use them in the future for our own gain.

But a friend, in the true sense of the word, is a relationship that is deeper than knowing someone's appearance and name. It means knowing their heart, and being cooperatively there for each other. It involves accepting each others differences and showing love and compassion for each other despite differences or disagreements. Of course there has to be a common bond... something that makes the friendship stand under pressure. It requires that you be real with each other -- transparent -- and not only express your hurts to one another, but be there for the other person and accept them when they do so. You have to expose the weakest parts of your emotions, and fully expect that the other person will not take advantage of the situation.

This is what Christ was referring to when he said:

Joh 15:15 I don't call you servants anymore, because a servant doesn't know what his master is doing. But I've called you friends because I've made known to you everything that I've heard from my Father.

Some people develop a friendship during the course of an employment. Others through a hobby or social club. Some through their faith and beliefs.

So, why am I taking this academic trip through friendship? Someone asked me last night "Haven't you ever had a real friend before?"

That question struck deep, actually, more than she realized. I was in awe at the thought. Have I ever had someone in my life (aside from parents and such) that expressed care about my well being, and accepted me dispite our academic differences?

Ten years ago, I think I could safely answer 'no' to that question. I was a hermit, socially, with hundreds of acquaintances but absolutely no deep friendships. But I've come to realize some of my character flaws that prevented me from being real with people. I have since developed some closer acquaintances. Many more people now get in closer to my little world, but I still reserve my heart... that place where people can possibly hurt me... for a very select few.

Today, I can say that I do have friends. Very good friends. They are people in whom I trust explicitly with my heart and emotions. They know my past, my weaknesses, my struggles, and they love me anyway. And I, in return, know theirs and love them as family.

In just the past two years, I've developed even closer friends, and I have begun to see that friendship isn't about what we do for each other. Instead it is about the relationship: being real, without judgement or condemnation, with others.

Thank you, LuAnn for your question. I know it was said on the run, but it really made me reflect and appreciate the friends I do have. Thank you for being a friend. And thank you Cheryl, for loving me, and teaching me what Friendship is, even when we were separated by thousands of miles. You constantly made an effort to show me how to develop myself, and be open and real with you.

Do you have friends or just mass amounts of acquantences? Read proverbs 17. "A friend is born in times of trouble..." During those times, will there be anyone to pick you up and help you? Do you help others in their adversity, or just "wish them well"? And most importantly... Is God your friend, an acquaintance, or non existent in your world view?