Fooling ourselves

James 1:22 And remember, it is a message to obey, not just to listen to. If you don't obey, you are only fooling yourself.

That was my scripture this morning. I read it here at my desk.

So why is this a problem. I wasn't SUPPOSED to read it at my desk. I was supposed to get up early today, but instead I snuggled into the covers. They were warm and inviting. The air outside is just at freezing, with a crisp gentle breeze. The air inside had that same crisp chill to it this morning when I woke up.

It was easier to sleep. Easy, but I'm only fooling myself if I continue to claim Christ, and don't obey his commands. (Note to self: they are commands, not requests.)

It is really simple, if I choose to make it a priority. Wake up. It's not that hard to do what I have to do if it is a priority in my life. Go to bed early, set the alarm earlier, or whatever. If it is important, I should be about the business of obeying. If not, then I am only playing games.

What are you doing today? Are you fooling yourself, or are you in full obedience? Do you hear and obey God? Do you even Hear God? If not, you may consider checking your heart and where you stand with God.

Thinking about abundant life.

Today I sit at work. I'm fighting with depression and worry like a two-ton set of bricks across my chest. I'm writing today because I promised GOd that even in the times when I'm not "beautiful" I would be real with my posts. I would let people see my struggles and fears... today was one of those days.

I sat here this morning asking God why I am fighting with this. For the first time in a week, I actually had good sleep last night. My Job isn't stressful (in itself). Why do I still fight with it? In all logic, I should be having a reasonable day today, yet I am depresed and tired.

I know God wants my attention. I know I've left my quiet times so that I can work on other projects. I'm so focused on money and paying bills, that I have put them above God. And God let me. I knew I was neglecting things, but I "just needed to get some things done." I didn't take time this morning either. I tried, but I overslept. I sat in the shower and tried to just pray and be silent, but I didn't get the word into my heart.

Finally (isn't it funny that we turn to God 'finally'? ... more on that later) I opened my browser to Crosswalk to read the daily devitional. At least it was SOMETHING since I didn't have my bible at work. It was something that God could use. God, here I am. I know I'm in the middle of work, but I need you. I need help now. And sure enough, God spoke through his word.

“I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”

—John 10:10

"Now, do those projects, work, and things give you abundant life? A life that flows from the center of you?"

"No." I said, hanging my head like a scolded 4-year-old.

"I have come to give you ABUNDANT life."

"I don't feel abundant right now. I feel depressed, angry, weak, tired and unable to do much of anything. My job is on hold, and job prospects seem to be dwindling. Connections I used to have are gone, and everything I thought I knew about what I do seems unstable. Everything I touch seems to die before it even has roots."

"I'm up here. Let's talk."

"And my new projects, theyre dying before I even get them started. I have worked so hard to get them going."

"I'm still here."

"When I chart my finances, I see hitting a disaster within the next year. I don't feel stable, fiancially. I worry that I won't be able to provide for the gift you brought to me. How will I provide for her?"

"I haven't moved."

"... And the job I do have that actually pays the bills is driving me nuts. I can't quit, I can't seem to move on to something else. No chance or a raise, promotion. My only hope is to move to a different department, and even that will be a temporary solution unless they offer quite a raise."

"Hello... Up here. Are you listening?"

"And the longer I am in this job, the smaller my chances become for getting out. It's like a black hole. I can feel the torrents drowning any hope I seem to find. What do I do, God?"

"Spend time with me."

"But God..." I felt hurt, dejected and worthless. I had been pouring myself to God, and even HE wasn't listening. I've had friends push me off lately, but now God? Was he side-stepping me, too? "Didn't you hear what I said?! Didn't you hear me? I'm stuck. I'm struggling. God.. help me! Please."

"Yes. But I'm here, waiting. It's okay, Jerry. I have you in the palm of my hand. Abundant life requires that you spend time with me. Everything else will work itself out. I promise."

"You promise? But what about..."

"I promise, Jerry." His soft words came to sooth my troubled heart. Those words were like a warm hand on the side of my face. "Stop freeting and focus on me. I have life for you. You have to just rest assured that I will bring it to you."


That was my conversation with God today. So what am I going to do? I can't stay where I am. That's for sure. God, help me to focus on you this week... Please give me peace, and abundant life. I need your hand, your help, your love.

Americans have forfieted books and reading?

At least that's the signal we got today.

We went to no less than 5 stores tonight. In which (except for the last one) we saw a TOTAL of two book cases. Seriously. Scads of sofas. Lots of loveseats. Tables by the thousands. Enough entertainment sets to kill a mule ... but bookcases?? Two. And they were ugly and tiny at that.

It is no wonder that America's youth are fat, lazy and illiterate. Their parents only buy tables for them to eat at, entertainment sets to "parent" them while the parents are away, and sofas for them to lounge in.

That's just my opinion, though.

So where did we finally find a book case? Staples. That's right. Not a furniture store. Not a "Home Store". No. They had beds and sofas and tables. We found a nice set at an office supply store. I guess the average masses don't read books any more, thus have no need for shelves.

Oh well. At least we found some.

--Jerry

A few ideas for being thankful...

It's lunch time. I have a minute to post, and I was thinking about being thankful, and "returning thanks"... Do we really return thanks, or mumble some thoughts?

We really are an INCREDIBLY blessed people. From electricity to fresh water to a place to sleep in peace... we are so selfish. How can we be more thankful with what we have? I had a few ideas.

1) Eat something you don't like for seven consecutive days. Practice, at each meal, being thankful for at least having that to eat. At the end of the week, I bet you will not take that peanut butter sandwich for granted... and you may develop a liking for the item at hand.

2) Stand in the cold pouring rain without a raincoat. Water soaks to the core. Wind causes discomfort. Get familliar with that sensation, and get to know what it feels like. Stay out long enough to start to shiver, then stay a little longer. Then, when you do get back inside, contemplate that some don't have an "inside" to retreat to. Thank God for the warm blanket that removes the chills, the soft towels that dry, the clothes on you to keep you warm in the cold winds and the dry walls that keep you from living that way 24-7.

3) Don't spend a single penny for two weeks. Sounds easy. You can stockpile, and make sure you are provided for with meals and shelter. Pre-pay your bills. Get ready, and do all you have to. Then put away your cards... your check book... your dollar bills. Then try to live life. No Pepsi from the vending machine. Careful with your gas usage, as it has to last the entire time. No eating out, or ordering pizza. Unexpected expenses? I hope you've found enough pennies on the sidewalk. Practice being thankful for every penny and dime you find. Some don't even have that much. By the end of that time, you will find that you appreciate the right to spend God's provision on yourself... and perhaps you'll learn what you can and can't live without.

4) Hold your spouse and listen to their heart beat. Day in and day out, people lose their loved ones. Those hearts have stopped beating, and their lives have ended. With each thump, whisper in your heart "Thanks" to God. That heartbeat was a blessing to you.

5) Turn off the lights in your house and use candles for a week. The gift of technology is really a blessing. We take the technology around us for granted. I'm typing on a computer, listening to an MP3 player, under florescent lights, in an air-conditioned building. Do you realize all of the technologies that this requires? Purposely live your life at home for seven days with minimal technology. Start simply by living without lights. Don't unplug the refrigerator, or go so drastic as to cause a health hazard to you. Just give up things that can light a room. (i.e. TV, Computer, etc) Sounds simple, doesn't it. Praise God for allowing you to live where you have electric lights. During the darkness, praise God that in the morning, the darkness will end. Those who are blind don't have that option.


We are a comfortable, evil, mindless, uncaring, unfeeling, spineless and thankless generation who rely on themselves more than God. We worship self, and what can be done for us, instead of what we can do. We need to understand that what we do in a day is what will be what is remembered of us in the age to come.

What did you do with your day yesterday? When you turn on the AC or heater, are you thankful for the privelege of having it? When you give thanks for food, do you mumble a few random thoughts, or are you truly thankful?

This is my confession to the world... I am not. I am that comfortable generation. Father, change my heart. Challenge me to live differently to be thankful for all you have given me. My time. My money. My heart. Make them yours.

Thoughts on friendship

We easily throw around the word "friend" in the US, when the word "acquaintance" may be more appropriate. We meet people at work or in social situations, then say "I have a close friend who can help with that." But do we really know them?

We live our lives "networking" with hundreds of people -- getting to know their face and name and what they can do for the ubiquitous "me". We use people, and allow ourselves to be used, if we think it will deepen our trust level with them so we can use them in the future for our own gain.

But a friend, in the true sense of the word, is a relationship that is deeper than knowing someone's appearance and name. It means knowing their heart, and being cooperatively there for each other. It involves accepting each others differences and showing love and compassion for each other despite differences or disagreements. Of course there has to be a common bond... something that makes the friendship stand under pressure. It requires that you be real with each other -- transparent -- and not only express your hurts to one another, but be there for the other person and accept them when they do so. You have to expose the weakest parts of your emotions, and fully expect that the other person will not take advantage of the situation.

This is what Christ was referring to when he said:

Joh 15:15 I don't call you servants anymore, because a servant doesn't know what his master is doing. But I've called you friends because I've made known to you everything that I've heard from my Father.

Some people develop a friendship during the course of an employment. Others through a hobby or social club. Some through their faith and beliefs.

So, why am I taking this academic trip through friendship? Someone asked me last night "Haven't you ever had a real friend before?"

That question struck deep, actually, more than she realized. I was in awe at the thought. Have I ever had someone in my life (aside from parents and such) that expressed care about my well being, and accepted me dispite our academic differences?

Ten years ago, I think I could safely answer 'no' to that question. I was a hermit, socially, with hundreds of acquaintances but absolutely no deep friendships. But I've come to realize some of my character flaws that prevented me from being real with people. I have since developed some closer acquaintances. Many more people now get in closer to my little world, but I still reserve my heart... that place where people can possibly hurt me... for a very select few.

Today, I can say that I do have friends. Very good friends. They are people in whom I trust explicitly with my heart and emotions. They know my past, my weaknesses, my struggles, and they love me anyway. And I, in return, know theirs and love them as family.

In just the past two years, I've developed even closer friends, and I have begun to see that friendship isn't about what we do for each other. Instead it is about the relationship: being real, without judgement or condemnation, with others.

Thank you, LuAnn for your question. I know it was said on the run, but it really made me reflect and appreciate the friends I do have. Thank you for being a friend. And thank you Cheryl, for loving me, and teaching me what Friendship is, even when we were separated by thousands of miles. You constantly made an effort to show me how to develop myself, and be open and real with you.

Do you have friends or just mass amounts of acquantences? Read proverbs 17. "A friend is born in times of trouble..." During those times, will there be anyone to pick you up and help you? Do you help others in their adversity, or just "wish them well"? And most importantly... Is God your friend, an acquaintance, or non existent in your world view?

Finally back.

Sorry to leave the blog empty for so long. I've been in Canada, visiting with family. It was an awesome time.

Please keep Mick and Shawna in your prayers. THeir Brother in law passed away last week. Pray for peace in the family, as he was only 24-years old, and is survived by his wife (Mick's sister) who is dealing with alot of emotion right now.

Thanks.